I wake up this morning as usual. There is nothing I worry about until I stand in front of my bathroom mirror. A glimpse of memory who I was yesterday, a month ago, even years ago enter my mind. Everything that has been passed for years suddenly appears. My eyes teary. I feel something inside my chest. It is like a burden. It is like a hole.
After all these years, I think I am just okay. Yet, I miss who I was. I miss my self.
The crying stops. The questions don’t. Who I was? Do I lose something? Do I love myself enough? Do I? That echoes. I need to do something.
I need to start again, to love myself again from the beginning.
I believe some of us tend to put ourselves down daily and leave ourselves hurt. In the end, we forget to forgive ourselves. That is like a dark circle without finish line.
I believe every time I hurt myself, unloved me, I would love hurt someone, unloved him or her soon. Every time I am upset at myself, I am upset at them soon. It is like what you give to yourself becomes what you give to others. When you give yourself anger, hatred, they become ‘gift’ you give to others.I learn that when I give love to myself, I am able to love others. At that time, I feel the world becomes a better place to everyone of us.
Daily, I stop comparing my self to others. Just because someone is better than me, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t struggle. This attitude turns me into a respectful one. I respect all of you and the differences we have pals. Each of us struggles in different path.
Daily, I stop regretting myself for things undone in the past. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
If it’s not, it won’t be.
Daily, I learn to put my self on other shoes. I empathized what my surroundings feel. It makes me sensitive about others’ problems not mine.
Daily, I keep silence for a while before having a night rest. I will remember every single things I already did in that day, ask forgiveness from God if I remember my failure then I ask Him for helps so I could do better tomorrow. It leads me to understand that I am human with mistakes. I am not perfect and I need God to be the better me.
Those are things I do to love myself better. The better I love myself, the better I love others. Yourself don’t deserve anger and hatred as others don’t deserve them.
Finally, it is like Ed Sheeran said in Lego House, “I think I love you better now.”